LeBron James switches NFL allegiance from Cowboys to Browns


This doesn’t compute.

This doesn’t compute.
Image: Getty Images

Noted frontrunner LeBron James has switched his NFL allegiances because it’s clear the Cowboys aren’t going to win the Super Bowl — oh, wait. He’s actually dropping Jerry Jones and Dallas because of the owner’s stance on players kneeling. If the story stopped there — and of course, it doesn’t because there are levels to this shit — it’s a laudable reason to stop supporting a team that he really didn’t have any reason to root for other than they were really good when he was growing up, like the Yankees, who James also is a fan of.

During an Instagram Live conversation with Maverick Carter, James officially denounced the ’Boys.

“Nah man I had to sit put on the Cowboys man,” James said when asked about his fandom. “It’s just a lotta things that was going on, when guys were kneeling…[The] organization [was] like ‘If you do that around here, you won’t play for this franchise again.’”

So many questions. First, how long ago did he stop pulling for Dallas? The whole Jerry Jones anti-kneeling thing happened 15 billion news cycles ago. Second, which team has curried the King’s favor now? The New England dynasty is gone, so there’s not an obvious successful NFL team for the current Los Angeles Laker — who also likes (or liked) the Evil Empire (Yankees), the Cowboys, the Ohio State Buckeyes, and Michael Jordan — to root for. (You don’t wear No 23 growing up if you hated MJ.)

So who is this lucky organization that James likes now? And how’s their record on human relations?

Well, LeBron’s new team is the shit franchise he should’ve been stuck with as a kid from Akron: The Cleveland Browns. No one can accuse him of sandbagging this time because that team has been a Factory of Sadness.

The catch, of course, is if James wants to lob self-righteous shots from his throne, he might want to check the recent history of his new favorite team. And judging by the fact that he’s switching his allegiance to Cleveland, he’s not up to date with current events. Allow me to fill in the timeline.

There’s been a pretty well-covered story surrounding the Browns involving their new quarterback, a couple of dozen massage therapists, and alleged sexual misconduct. (Deshaun Watson has denied all accusations, most of which have been dropped despite masseuses popping up like daisies with civil suits.)

I guess James is simply taking a page out of the NFL’s playbook and looking the other way like Browns’ owner and truck stop tycoon Jimmy Haslam taught him. I doubt we’ll see Bron at the tailgate that brought props for their rape jokes, but that’s more because it’s in the public lot than anything else.

If he cares so much about how Robert Sarver treated employees, including women as he laid out in his thread attacking the disenfranchised (and deserving) Suns’ owner, he should denounce Watson.

But there’s a tweet for everything, including LBJ’s excitement over the Watson trade.

Reprehensible. (Does he seriously not read any news? Watson had more open cases than the Zodiac Killer when he was traded to Cleveland and given a substantial amount of guaranteed money.)

If you want to go obscene galaxy brain with it, this is another move by LeBron to further ingratiate himself to the city and the Cavs. He’s not going into the Hall as a Laker or member of Heat culture, and he desperately wants to be revered the way Steph Curry is in the Bay Area. L.A. fans got the tail end of his prime, yet their appetite is only satiated by spending your meaty prime in purple and gold. (You hear that, Anthony Davis?) And while Miami fans wouldn’t say no, as long as Pat Riley is there, I don’t see him relenting. (Little known fact: Did you know Riley opens up training camp every year by pulling a Bugatti across the Key Biscayne bridge — WITH HIS TEETH?! It’s a real treat if you’ve never seen it.)

All I want LeBron to do is admit he’s a Browns fan now because they’ve got a solid, young team with the infrastructure in place for a superstar to turn them into a title contender. We know he’s good at identifying that, and it should tell shrewd gamblers something about the Browns’ Super Bowl odds before they drop after Watson is rolled out onto FirstEnergy field Hannibal Lecter-style and unleashed upon the NFL.

Say it, LeBron. Say this is an opportunistic team jump like the several others you’ve made throughout your career. SAY IT!





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